“Life is too short to miss out on nice things like a double cheeseburger” – Muddy River News

Daily Dirt for Tuesday, September 13, 2022

Have you recovered from that first full weekend of football? If so, grab a cheeseburger… Welcome to today’s three thoughts that make up Vol. 396 of the Daily Dirt.

1. Believe it, later this week — Sunday, to be exact — is National Cheeseburger Day.

And how did cheeseburgers get their own “national day”? Do we really care? Absolutely not.

Cheeseburgers are great whether you prefer them with cheese alone or like to drown them in all sorts of condiments. After all, a burger without cheese is like a hug with a squeeze. Or so I’m told.

Cheeseburgers are a special sandwich that can create a special kind of culinary loyalty. People seem to really like their cheeseburgers. A simple plain burger is just that, but a cheeseburger can represent a royal form of shredded cow flesh.

See if your feelings about a cheeseburger look like the following:

  • “Life is too short to miss out on nice things like a double cheeseburger.” — actor Channing Tatum.
  • “Sometimes I thank God…for cheeseburgers.” — vocalist Garth Brooks.
  • “I’m all about fashion, cheeseburgers and bright red lipstick.” — actress Scarlett Johansson.
  • “I can eat a cheeseburger with fries almost every day.” — actress Cameron Diaz.

For the record, 2% of Americans prefer their plain cheeseburgers, according to yougov.com. Those who prefer toppings, however, list the following as their favorites:

  • 65% ketchup.
  • 64 percent lettuce.
  • 58 percent tomatoes.
  • 57 percent onions.
  • 54 percent pickles.
  • 52 percent mustard.
  • 45 percent bacon.
  • 23 percent mushrooms.

(EDITOR’S NOTE: Who the hell prefers lettuce to bacon? Who the communists are. JRG)

2. We have another major shake-up in the 2022 Great Plate rankings, this ongoing pursuit to discover the smartest license plates in west-central Illinois and northeastern Missouri.

We not only have a new No. 1, but also a new No. 2.

Gold medal: 1 KWIKI: I think we’ll leave this one alone…

Silver medal:GEEZER 2: Ah! An old friend.

Bronze medal:USA FAN 1: His reign as #1 only lasted a week.

Honorable Mention of the Week: CHECK 4. Check what?

3. Worst division among Power 5 college football conferences? I would say the Big Ten West is the first leader. Consider:

  • Disaster that is Nebraska lost to Georgia Southern (I’m not kidding), falling 1-2 and ultimately costing Scott Frost his job as Cornhuskers coach. Frost had been a total disaster since coming to school, including a 5-22 record in score-decided games. Could it get worse in Lincoln? Well, actually, yes. Nebraska hosts Oklahoma on Saturday.
  • Iowa lost to Iowa State 10-7. In two games, Iowa scored 14 points. The Hawkeyes won their opener against South Dakota 7-3, scoring a field goal and recording two safeties. One writer referred to Iowa after the loss of Iowa State as “Iwa” (not “o”, get it…).
  • Northwestern lost to the sad Duke 31-23 (remember, we’re not talking basketball here, folks). It came a game after barely passing lowly Nebraska 31-28.
  • Oh, and (previously) nationally ranked Wisconsin, a 17.5-point favorite to Washington State, managed a 17-14 loss.

Steve thought about the day — I’m a little surprised at the low percentages of bacon and mushrooms on this list of favorite cheeseburger toppings.

Steve Eightinger writes daily for Muddy River News. He doesn’t know much, but he knows bacon is better than lettuce.

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